Do you freak out when things change? Same here. Growing up, I’d completely lose it if things didn’t go exactly as planned. My dad, ever the wise one, would say:
“Sometimes things don’t happen the way you want, but they happen the way you need.”

I appreciate that wisdom now, but as a kid, I wasn’t having it. I could sense how frustrated everyone got with me. So, I started to pretend everything was fine. I thought, “If I hide it well enough, maybe I’ll stop being a ‘problem.’”

But pretending didn’t fix anything. It only made things worse.

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From Pretending to Overcompensating

As I buried my feelings, they didn’t go away. Instead, they built up as guilt, shame, and a relentless need to overcompensate. I became hypervigilant, trying to keep everyone around me happy. Brené Brown describes this perfectly:
“When perfectionism is driving, shame is always riding shotgun, and fear is in the backseat.”

Recently I found out I am a Highly Sensitive Person. So, turns out, my brain was just wired differently.

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The Overwhelm Spiral

For someone like me, even small changes can feel catastrophic. For example, if I notice my keys aren’t in my pocket, my brain instantly goes:
🚨 “What if I lost them? What if I’m locked out? What if my whole day is ruined?!”

Dr Elaine N. Aron, in her work on Highly Sensitive People (HSPs), calls this state “emotional arousal,” where your nervous system reacts as if a minor issue is a major threat. It feels like a mini panic attack that I have to hide.

But suppressing those feelings doesn’t help. In fact, Gabor Maté says:
“When we suppress emotion, we also suppress our immune defenses.”
Bottling it up just makes the eventual crash harder. My body shuts down to recharge, forcing me into withdrawal mode whether I want it or not.

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Breaking the Cycle

Here’s the thing: that overwhelming feeling? It doesn’t last forever. Yes, it’s frustrating and takes effort to manage, but it’s manageable.

I’ve learned that isolating myself only makes things worse. The more I put myself out there—allowing my brain and body to experience life—the more my nervous system learns what’s a real threat and what’s just normal chaos.

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My Toolbox for Freak-Out Moments

Over time, I’ve built a “toolbox” for those moments when life feels like too much. Here’s what works for me:

• Sensory rest – dim lights, quiet spaces, and calming surroundings.
• Doodling or drawing – like being a kid again, just letting it flow.
• Yoga – moving the energy out of my body.
• Sauna & cold dips – they sound intense, but they work wonders for resetting my nervous system.
• Shaking – yes, literally shaking it off. Animals do it after a scare, and so can we.
• Meditation – to calm my racing thoughts.
• Therapy – because sometimes, you need a guide to navigate it all.

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When the Tools Aren’t Enough

Let’s be honest: sometimes, even the best tools don’t work. Meltdowns happen. You might lash out, cry, or shut down.

Here’s what I’ve learned:

1. Take accountability. Own your actions—no excuses or blame-shifting.
2. Don’t point fingers. It’s not your partner’s fault, your job’s fault, or the weather’s fault.
3. Most importantly: You are still worthy, lovable, and enough.

As Brené Brown says:
“Imperfections are not inadequacies; they are reminders that we’re all in this together.”

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Final Thoughts

Managing big emotions and unexpected changes is a full-time job, but it’s worth it. The freak-outs, meltdowns, and setbacks don’t define you. They’re just part of the process.

The more I work through these moments, the more I realise that my emotions aren’t something to “fix.” They’re just messages from my body, asking me to slow down, listen, and take care of myself.

💬 What’s in your toolbox for managing tough moments? Let’s trade ideas—I’d love to hear yours.

As Gabor Maté reminds us:
“Healing isn’t about becoming perfect. It’s about becoming whole.”

You’ve got this.

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References

• Aron, E. N. (1996). The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You. Broadway Books.
• Brown, B. (2010). The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are. Hazelden Publishing.
• Maté, G. (2003). When the Body Says No: Exploring the Stress-Disease Connection. John Wiley & Sons.